To React or To Respond — that is the question?

The difference between reacting or responding to challenging situations.

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There have been several times, some of them quite recent, when we can wish we had not reacted so quickly to a particularly challenging situation or person. These situations can include someone stealing a parking space you were indicating to turn into; the doctor’s receptionist who asked questions you felt a medically qualified person should be asking or perhaps the supplier who failed to mention that they could not deliver in the timeframe you had stipulated.

Our reactions to these situations are sometimes not in keeping with your normal behaviour or your personal values of kindness, integrity, and honesty.

So what is it about these, and many other situations, that make us react rather than respond appropriately — what are the differences between reacting and responding?

The words themselves give us a clue as to the behaviour they initiate in many of us. React is a short, sharp word with just two short syllables with the stressed syllable being ‘act’. Respond is a little lengthier, a little gently and even though it also only has two syllables the stressed syllable is ‘spond’ which is more calming than the word short, sharp ‘act’ in react.

The Cambridge English Dictionary definition for ‘react’ is ‘to act in a particular way as a direct result of something else’ while ‘respond’ is defined as ‘to say or do something as a reaction to something that has been said or done”. Interesting that the definition of respond actually contains the word react.

When we think of the difference between react and respond it can be useful to consider the term ‘exploding doormat’ used to describe someone who allows people to walk all over them until one day they just explode.  This describes a reaction, something that is done without thinking, whereas a response is considered, thought out, less impetuous and ultimately more meaningful.

So how can we try to react less and respond more?

The best way is to take time. Time to think, contemplate, look at the options available, and try to make a decision to ‘do the right thing’. Easier said than done when someone has stolen your parking space! Let us all try to take that time from now on — when we want to react negatively let us try to say the words ‘respond do not react, respond do not react’ several times under our breath while we consider the best way to respond to challenges.

Good luck!